One of the best gifts
you can give your young child is the gift of independence.
There are so many things that can contribute to this
independence and most of them are from you the parent.
A young child’s opinions about his capabilities
are mostly based on his parent’s response to him.
Your role in fostering independence in your child
is to ensure your child enjoys good self esteem, while
you provide love and support, you encourage exploration
and curiosity, you teach him skills and you allow
your child to make appropriate choices. It is a pretty
big responsibility resting on your shoulders but if
you are interested enough to be reading this article,
then you are already on the right track!
From an early age, your child’s search for
independence is fueled by a desire to make things
happen. And sometimes this desire might take your
child down a path that requires limit setting by you
otherwise they might become frustrated while trying
to master a certain task. You need to keep an eye
so that while a small dose of frustration and even
some mistakes along the way can be acceptable for
your young child, he should not become overwhelmed
with too great a feeling of frustration. Love and
encouragement will help him along.
Independence in a baby
If we start right from the very beginning, we know
that a young baby is wholly dependent on his parent.
However, even at an early age you can allow your child
to develop some coping skills and independence. For
example:
-Provide lots of tummy time for your baby when he
is awake.
-When you are playing together, allow your baby to
reach for toys that are just out of reach.
-Put your child in his crib while he is still awake
so he learns to fall asleep on his own.
If you are a single parent, you may be even more
inclined to feel that you must “do it all”
for your child but that just is not always possible.
Please do not feel guilty about this but rather focus
on the opportunity that exists for your child to develop
a healthy sense of independence, as well as the essential
skills that he will need to succeed in life.
Independence in a toddler
When your child reaches the toddler stage, you will
find that he is really starting to fight for his newly
found independence. This is when we hear the word
“no” so often! But this is a good sign!
A safe environment is paramount once toddlers are
mobile. They have little or no judgment concerning
their own safety so you have to ensure they can explore
and experiment in safe surroundings. To promote your
toddler’s growing independence, you can:
-Allow him to choose some meals and snacks whenever
possible.
-Give him the choice about which story to read or
which song to sing.
-Provide age-appropriate toys so that he can learn
to play by himself for short periods of time.
-Allow him to have a say in which clothes he will
wearing each day, even if this is limited to basic
color selection.
-Provide a step-stool so that your toddler can reach
the bathroom sink.
Independence in the pre-schooler
Then when your child gets to the preschool stage,
you can really start to make the most of your child’s
burgeoning independence. Preschoolers are verbally
capable of expressing many thoughts, feelings and
needs, and they are ready to take bigger steps towards
independence. For example, you can:
-Allow him to pick out his own clothes and to dress
himself.
-Be patient when your child keeps trying different
outfits. This is a definite expression of independence
-Follow your child’s lead as to when you should
begin potty-training. Learning to do it all on his
own is a big step.
-Your child will have a set routine at pre-school
for different activities such as cleaning up, washing
before meals etc. If you use the same routine at home,
your child will learn responsibility about caring
for and putting away his toys or other belongings.
-Provide lots of learning opportunities throughout
the day.
-Establish family chores such as setting the table,
folding towels or helping with meal preparation. This
builds a sense of competence and teaches young children
how to do things for others.
-Teach your child how to introduce himself to new
friends.
Along with the whole growing independence of your
child comes another ability and that is self-regulation.
This is that magic moment when your child actually
follows directions and is an important milestone and
can occur anywhere between the ages of one and three.
However it does not happen overnight but is a skill
that grows over time.
Along with encouraging your young child’s growing
independence, you can help your child to self regulate
by using the following tips:
-Create situations where your child can explore without
hearing lots of “donts’
-Praise your child often when he does something right.
In other words “accentuate the positive, eliminate
the negative”
-Help your child as he learns to do chores like picking
up toys. Make tasks as much fun as possible.
Although as a family you need to establish limits
and maintain firm rules about the really important
issues especially in matters of safely, try to honor
your child’s choices wherever possible. You
are helping him to gain control over his world, his
future and to prepare him for a healthy, independent
life ahead.
